SOME LEGAL HAIKU

July 11, 2012

Doctors wear lab coats.
Lawyers should wear suits and ties
Biz casual sucks.

We work as a team.
Why else would we buy clip art
Of those guys rowing?

“Our firm represents
Fortune 500 clients.”
(Once.  In ’96.)

We say we’re the best.
But we all left other firms
That said the same thing.

Gavels, globes, skylines,
Handshakes, columns.  Our website
Proves we’re not unique.

At my last three firms
I claimed we were the best one.
But now I mean it.

“Social media
Is critical!” Just like all
The other new things.

Say you’re “creative”
With a skyline on your home page
Makes me laugh at you.

Skylines of cities
Fade in and out and in and…
Viewers don’t return.

No new “Recent News”
Since May, 1998
Where’s the “back” button?

Our rainmakers teach:
“Ask them what they need.  Then say:
‘We’re the best at that.'”

Bragging that we are
“Unique” doesn’t work when our
Marketing is lame.

Our chair’s video
Welcomes you to our website
He seems pretty stiff.

In “The Firm” it says
“Our more than 18 lawyers…”
Isn’t that 19?

Our “Links” page helps you
“Locate online resources.”
Couldn’t they just use Google?

The consultant says
We need to form client teams.
Lawyers like to share.

Lake Wobegon Law.
We are all above average.
So you should hire me.

42 lawyers
67 specialties
We’re the best at each.

When I help cross-sell,
Only you make more money.
I’ll get right on that.

Cross-selling works when
Lawyers trust each other, so
We don’t stand a chance.